## Notes from podcast with [[Tom Morgan]] Shadow: Needs, fears, pain, judgments - Shame is a form of pain rooted in judgment - Not me -> me -> mine [[Two connections]] Technical problems (tests/locks), moral problems (bullies), developmental problems (beach balls) Reinventing elders Brene Brown article "The midlife unraveling" Selling coaching: you can't sell the solution because they can't understand it. So you sell the diagnosis "I'm upset because" - I am - needs and values - Upset - emotions - Because - judgments How do we make ten little leaps of faith per day? [[Henrik Karlsson]]'s advice about writing to your past self--little developmental bridges? Build the ego and then put it into service. Not the master but the emissary Letting people into the container: a balance of qualification and commitment ## [[2025-09-16]] - [[Founder Satsang]] call notes ### Opening Exercise: The One Question - Powerful transformational exercise: find the one personal question that would create the most value if answered - Example: “How do I know if Nicole is the one I should marry?” led to life-changing breakthrough - Four minutes each in breakout groups with deep listening, no advice - My one question thread - Context: I’ve spent my career centered on software engineering and feel pulled toward deep conversation, relationship work, and coaching, with fears about safety, stability, starting over, and finances - Core fear signals: not being good at it; turning what I love into work might ruin it - Energetic compass: move toward aliveness/meaning even if “unsafe”; sense of being carried by longer arcs already in motion - Working formulation(s): - “Is it safe/okay to move away from software engineering toward coaching?” - “How do I trust and surrender more to aliveness while making the transition gentler?” - “How do I make this easier on myself as I fall into the new chapter, including fatherhood (due Jan 19)?” - Key insight: “The heart of transformational work is the energetic dynamics between the coach and the client that evokes the client’s wisdom and grounds it” - Listening acts as a grounding rod for purpose energy - Multiple people listening with care pulls inspiration through the speaker - Peers’ mirrored themes - Genie explored trusting whether leaning into software engineering is avoidance vs. true inspiration - Mina’s question centered on safety, separation from a teacher, and being with fear rather than escaping it ### Poor But Pure Valley and Spiritual Development Stages - Poor But Pure Valley: natural developmental stage between heroic leadership (achieving) and authentic leadership (receiving) - Archetypal pattern for parents - giving constantly to children who take and take - Issue arises when there’s mismatch between consciousness stage and external intentions - For coaches/parents: perfectly valid to incubate slowly while parenting, but be conscious about financial implications - Key question for leaving: when energy feels separate between kids/coaching business vs. unified purpose - Seven stages of practice building document available on coaching website ### Managing Ego vs Soul Identification - Fundamental challenge: moving from ego identification to soul identification - Critical question to sit with for next 20 years: “Where is my ego and where is my soul?” - Soul speaks in directionality and energy flows, not thoughts - “Open hand, receive tool” experience: caring so deeply that tools are placed in your hand divinely - No mental decision tree - divine guidance selecting from toolbox - Spiritual pride as deepest pitfall: ego claiming credit for soul’s work - As we ascend, ego automatically inflates - this is normal and expected - Need team/community/mirrors to notice when ego pretends to be soul ### Fear Work and Emotional Processing - Core practice: “Making friends with your fears” (Chapter 32 in “Yes Yes Hell No”) - Fear responds to danger and change - most modern fears caused by change, not danger - Spiritual work will trigger deepest fears - this is supposed to happen - Must partner with fears, not fight them, for integrated spiritual development - Anger as cover for fear, signaling needs, boundaries, or reality violations - Use as GPS feedback rather than repressing - Somatic IFS and other modalities for shadow work - “The subtleties are in the somaticizing of the practice” ### The Eight Human Needs Framework - Rate yourself 1-10 on owning the need and getting it met: - Safety/certainty → growth (higher octave) - Pleasure/variety → creativity - Approval/belonging → mature love - Significance/achievement → contribution - Four addictions when needs aren’t met cleanly: conformity, dominance, craving, control - Critical insight: “If they haven’t owned their need to feel significant and be perceived as such in front of a group, I won’t train them to be a facilitator” - Must complete the circuit - own the need to get it met at higher octave - Martyrs give constantly but don’t own significance need, leading to control issues ### Contempt and Superpower Blindspots - Contempt as indicator of unowned superpower: “If you want to find your superpowers, find what you’re contemptuous of” - Common patterns: - Contempt for victim consciousness/blame → superpower of personal responsibility - Contempt for lack of empathy/kindness → superpower of high empathy - Contempt for lack of integrity → superpower of spiritual discernment - Virtuous cycle: owning your gifts allows you to be more compassionate toward others who lack them and more discerning - Example: not owning integrity creates blindspot, causes you to give power to wrong people - Every gift has a kryptonite (Nicole’s book “Surviving Your Superpowers”): - Empathy → drained by negativity, overgiving - Truth sense → feeling alien and alone - Purpose → inconsistent motivation, often diagnosable as ADD ### Transformational Business Model - Shift from selling solutions to diagnosing problems - “Does it hurt when I push here?” creates credibility - Top consultants master profound humble curiosity with diagnostic expertise - Key distinctions drive development vs. learning driving education - Development = growing the cup vs. learning = filling the cup - Examples: victim vs. owner, proving worth vs. providing value - Trust the container and processes around your work, not just yourself - Container building is biggest missing piece in industry - Masters unconsciously competent at building space around the work ### Development Container Framework - Seven functions of developmental container: - Progress - define what would be better future (Yes Yes Hell No goal) - Problems - diagnose what’s stopping progress (developmental vs. solvable) - Power - develop capacity to address the problem - Pride - deal with ego expansion when tools work - Leadership - turn power into value with integrity - Stupidity - diagnose ways people get in own way - Holes inside - traditional shadow work on pain/judgment/trauma - Problem types: - Solvable: locks (technical/learning) and bullies (moral/power) - Hard problems: beach balls (developmental - keep popping back up) - Mismatch: society has tools for solvable problems, but most meaningful challenges are developmental - Example: implicit bias is fundamentally developmental problem, not learning or moral issue ### Development Pathway Diagram - Hero’s journey pattern: hero hits wall (appears solvable but actually developmental) - Wall is beach ball problem - push down, pops back up - More stuck = more stupid (tragedy of humanity) - Developmental problem structure: - Two bad choices + deeper diagnosis + third choice - Key distinctions as levers of change - Leadership skills paired with higher consciousness - Yes Yes Hell No goal as energetic anchor pulling through development - Without inspired goal, only crisis provides motivation (hero’s journey - 1 in 1000 survive) - Goal must be inspired, scary, heartfelt, specific ### Resources and Next Steps - Images from podcast with Scott Britton: [https://dropbox.com/scl/fo/555erq2z0jzkr36s6z4ao/AI9S-l-JmEGl1Fea5M_mQSI?dl=0&e=3&rlkey=znkmbs4k7qwvvygxbyzby49lo](https://dropbox.com/scl/fo/555erq2z0jzkr36s6z4ao/AI9S-l-JmEGl1Fea5M_mQSI?dl=0&e=3&rlkey=znkmbs4k7qwvvygxbyzby49lo) - Potential 3-month container building training (~$5k, needs 40+ people) - Individual coaching: $250,000/year minimum - Referenced works: “Yes Yes Hell No,” University of Santa Monica, Crucial Conversations --- Chat with meeting transcript: [https://notes.granola.ai/d/94d7aa67-905a-4688-a242-b0d3fd99e925](https://notes.granola.ai/d/94d7aa67-905a-4688-a242-b0d3fd99e925)